Intimacy will heal you.

71 Comments / Lovers Conversations, Journey His Heart / By 
Friday 27th October 2023

I had just taken my night shower and served myself a yummy meal I cooked; yam + egg sauce and while dressing, I touched a tiny lump in my breast. 

For the past few days, I had chest aches and couldn’t figure out why. When I touched this lump, I knew what was wrong and I could feel the pain coming from it; with my racing heart and panic, the first thing I did was dress up as quickly as possible, take my phone and get off the quite important zoom call I was in. 

I walked to my living room with a bust of emotions and livid fear. I paced a bit trying to pray, then I remembered how Ruach (the sweet Holy Spirit of God) had taught me to not pray from fear, so I decided to sit on my study chair and talk with Him, as I walked over; I felt a wave of peace and assurance, followed by this scripture: 

When the enemy comes in, 
Like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him 
- Isaiah 59:19 NLT Bible

I sat down panicking, few moments later I begun to reflect on the faithfulness of my heavenly Daddy, I opened my mouth in thanksgiving. I thanked Him for who He is, for what He has done and what I was currently confronting because I knew He would do it too! 

Then I walked back to my room, still afraid. Still panicking. A lot of memories came to mind. A lot of fears came to life. I was in so much fear and panic, also wondering why the lump ached? 

It’s October, breast cancer awareness month and I’m seeing a lump in my breast!

Amid the panic, I kept asking God what to do and His Spirit replied, “Anoint it.” So, I took a bit of my body oil and did as He instructed. Scriptures flooded my heart too; I knew God promised me health. I knew He said I would not be sick, and I knew He taught me through scriptures, that He is a God of His Word so He can never speak a Word and break it.

Most of all; I knew He would keep His Word.

But… I was scared. What if it turns out to be cancerous? What if I must do another surgery? What if it doesn’t go? I sat with Jesus on my bed and started talking to our Father. When I have a need or want, I go to the Father because Jesus taught me in Matthew 6 & Luke 12, that I am my Daddy’s little girl and He cares for me in every detail, so since then, I don’t first go to Ruach or Jesus for my needs, I go straight to Daddy.

I poured my heart to Daddy, and we had a conversation, I honestly can’t remember His exact words, I do know it was affirmations and few minutes later, as I kept worrying and seeking confirmations, Jesus starring lovingly at me spoke our Father’s heart to my soul, “Your request has been heard.” Yet I kept doubting, seeking more confirmation. What if I wasn’t hearing Him?

I was still overwhelmed in my fear and tears, but I chose not to tell anyone, not my mum or even my doctor. I told God I wanted it gone by morning, so I would wait till then. I was struggling to sleep, and Jesus stayed beside me, telling me to sleep and I finally did.

I woke up a few hours later and I frantically checked the lump. “Jesus, if this doesn’t go,” I spoke achingly, “I would have to visit the hospital on Monday.” At one point, I heard the devil whisper to me; “I am too young to have cancer.” I rejected him, and his nonsense lies.

After some back & forth, I started calling my doctor at 2AM and as expected, I got no answer, then I called my mum, her line was unavailable. “Okay, Jesus; looks like I have got just You.” I said to Him, and I asked what to do since I was too scared and restless to sleep.

He replied; “Sit quiet with Me.”

I wanted to read Scripture, pray, just do something to get over this. But He quietly instructed, “Stay quiet with Me”

So, I sat with Him in my lobby, just quiet and after a while I got drowsy, I walked to my bed, curled up and spoke to Him as His bride, “Jesus, You know I don’t just need words now? I need You to be with me, soothe me and be in Your embrace”

“I know” He replied gently, and He embraced me slightly, then rubbed my hair. As I rested my head quietly with Him, I slept off.

The next day, I called my doctor, and he told me to ignore it. My sister went like, “I told you; it could be hormonal stuff with your period, it happens, you are a lady…”

I was adamant; these days nothing becomes something, but I felt some weight pull off. I was still feeling pain and fear as I carried on with my duties for the day. I broke down at different points, so overwhelmed with fear, and I would pick my Bible for a word. One time, I was doing chores and breaking down badly, I sat on my bed, exhausted and drained, with tears flowing down my cheeks: 

“God, why am I going through this? Haven’t I had enough?” I took my Bible and 2 Corinthians 5:21 immediately came to mind, I opened and read: 

For He (God, our Father) made Him (Jesus, His Son) who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 

As I repeated those words, God revealed to me that Righteousness is His DNA and nothing unclean can stay there. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I cried to Him as my Abba, “God, Your Word says affliction will not rise a second time and the Egyptians I saw before, I would not see again…” I received strength from His Word and got back my work.  rinse and repeat.

After a while, I went past the lump, I knew it would go, but I was still captive to fear, layers of fear, chronic fear that made everything dark and left me so weak. I can’t explain what this experience feels like but it’s a terrible one, I think only someone who has been through it can really understand it. 

serving while broken

As a Pastor and Mum of a women’s ministry & movement, I had work to do and though I was so weak, I needed to study to minister for our Nurture soul care Bible Study which I wanted to record the next day and also write our weekly Conversational Devotional. 

JESUS led me to start with Nurture and said He wanted to minister on ‘Tackling the spirit of Fear’, exactly what I was dealing with.  I cried.  My shoulders slumped on my work chair with my MacBook open on the table in front of me. What am I supposed to say?  I can’t even tackle it myself and You are asking me to tell people how to tackle it? 

I kept going back & forth, He wouldn’t budge so I surrendered, and He started to show me what He wanted me to minister on, after we pushed through that. (I promise to drop the video below) .

I needed to write our Devotional. “Lord, can we just do a throwback? I am too weak to write anything.” He was quiet. I searched through our Devotional Catalog, not one resonated in my heart to throwback and my heart turned to Him. “You know I don’t want that.” He spoke quietly to my soul. I tearfully surrendered again. 

I don’t know what I wrote, I was crying and writing, depending on Him to write every word, there was no flow in the sense of it, I wrote the each paragraph by surrender and when we were done, it didn’t feel good enough to me, but it was more than enough to Him, so I sent it to my team for editing and publishing. 

At different points while writing, I asked Him why.  Why was He letting me go through this plague of fear, He could heal me of it in a second but for the past 3 years, I have had to deal with this chronic fear. “I’m intimate with You, I shouldn’t be dealing with this…” 

His response came more like a download and because I can’t remember His exact words, I would paraphrase;  I want you to know that fear is a lie, your fears do not determine your reality, I do.  One of the reasons you want deliverance from fear is because you think your fears might come to pass but My Word says the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never comprehend it. Fear has no power over you.

After our conversation, I finally decided to tell my God Mum this struggle of fear I felt ashamed to discuss, so I sent her a WhatsApp voice note and of course, like the amazing woman she is, she corrected me sternly with scriptures on shame, why would I feel ashamed? That’s what makes Christians, and some faith leaders live in hidden sin, unresolved traumas and so on. 

But how was Apostle Paul’s life? Joseph’s? Peter? And even Jesus, my Love who was hung wounded & naked on the cross of cavalry? God truly uses the foolish things of these world, nothing discounts us from His Love, Choice and Mercy.  

That night as I lay down to sleep, Jesus lovingly said to me; “You have had a hard day, now sleep deep” And unlike what I expected and feared, I slept soundly, having love conversations with Him each time I opened my eyes to ease myself or anything till I slept back.

When I woke up the next morning, He told me read 1John 2 and highlighted verse 24-25:  

So you must remain faithful to what you have been taught from the beginning. 
If you do, you will remain in fellowship with the Son and with the Father.  
And in this fellowship, we enjoy the eternal life He promised us.

Jesus showed me that all the attributes of eternal life are manifested in my intimacy with Him, so there are things I don’t need to pray for; as I stay with Him, He causes everything in my life to align to His Order and Design. I went to my sweet Church that morning free and blessed! 

A couple days later, the lump and pain were gone! 

Abba kept His Word.  Like He always does. 

Jesus wants you to know that sometimes your miracles and healings are not in your spirituality, fiery prayer or several quotations of scriptures but in absolute vulnerability and obedience. 

God loves you.  You cannot earn it.  You will not earn it. 

Now, I approach Daddy based on His Love for me, I don’t do give and take, I don’t come based on my sacrifice and works, though there is a place for that, I come standing on the primary love my Father has for me and the intimacy I share with the GodHead. 

I have their Life – Eternal Life. I have their character – Righteousness. And their Nature – Holiness. I am ONE with God. This oneness doesn’t exempt me from trials and tribulations, but we walk through it together – 4 of Us in the fire, every time, whether I see it or not. 

With my health alone, I have had stuff: In June 2020, I got so sick I started hallucinating, I took drugsss, drips and drugsss but got worse, till I got so vulnerable to the enemy and lost my mind literally. But God healed me completely as He promised; spirit, soul & body. 

In 2020 December/ 2021 January, lumps were found in my body, from then till October 2021 when I had the surgery, I had 2 scans, after the first scan, the doctors told me to wait a month and see if they regress, a month became 2 and 8, they didn’t regress. I slept every night feeling them, showered feeling them; praying and trusting God to heal me, so I wouldn’t have surgery, but I did have it (in 2 parts of my body). 

The lumps were tested to see if they were cancerous or dangerous of any kind, I was terrified while waiting for the result, and in that place of fear, God gave me Psalm 112:6-7NIV: 

 Surely the righteous will never be shaken; 
they will be remembered forever. 
They will have no fear of bad news; 
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. 

And the result matched His words. 

In that same 2021, I kept falling ill to lingering malaria and typhoid at any little bit, I even changed my water intake to a particular brand, little progress. I remember standing at a bus park one afternoon and wondering what was wrong with me and I thought, “Is my immune system so weak or what?” Immediately Ruach replied to my thoughts, “You have the immune system of Jesus, so it’s not weak” 

In 2022, Jesus gave me a promise of health and several promises over my fears, I stopped taking that specific brand of water and just returned to normal and I have been healthy. Occasionally, I still have common health challenges like malaria etc. and I’m currently treating ulcer, but I know I am well and I won’t wait for the full manifestation before I believe the Word of the Lord. Each time ulcer wants to get me with its discomfort and pain, I turn to Jesus and He reminds me I’m whole, I do not know when the healing will completely manifest but I do know it’s done and when it’s fully manifested, I’ll tell it.

This is who our Father is. God of His Word & God of the Universe. The One who threw the stars in the sky. The One whose Word holds the earth together; the One all creation answers to. This is our faithful precious Abba Daddy! I stand to say God’s Word can never fail.

When He gives you a word, you can bank on it. 

And to women, know that your body is a blessing and the Word of God says 'the Blessing of the Lord makes rich & the Lord adds no sorrow to it.'                                                               ~Proverbs 10:22 KJV                                                                                                                                                  Your body is not for cancer, it's not for illness, it's not for hormonal imbalance here and there. 
'Your body was made for the Lord and the Lord cares about your body!'
~1 Corinthians 6:13 NLT

As humans, our health is prone to a lot of things due to its exposure and the things we take in. Overtime, our precious Ruach (Holy Spirit) has taught me and is still teaching healthy living and eating, I cut down on sugar; bakeries, also fries and I don’t do junk plus most drinks.

Last month, Daddy told me, “You’ve started eating biscuits again (often).”  “Oh…” I replied, awestruck at His love and detail. “Should I stop eating them?” I asked child-likely. “Cut down on it.” He counseled. I nodded and got back in position. I don’t eat healthy from fear but from an awareness that I am God’s temple and a steward of His temple. 

Daily, I’m living intimately with Jesus, partnering with Him to be who He pre-ordained and designed me to be. I’m walking to Original Design. 

RESOURCES 
the video I promised to drop above.

To grow intimacy with the Godhead & learn healthy eating, follow Lagos Housewife on all social platforms including Youtube. 

Here’s her YouTube link specifically, go to her community and read the posts tagged Conversations with the Godhead, they would help you, like they have helped me. 

She’s a well packaged blessing! 

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