Freedom to trust Yourself

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CHAPTER 8 OF FREEDOM 25

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

‭‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

For over 5 years, up till March of this year, I had relationships with a number of people who constantly made me doubt myself, most of all my ability to hear God and my relationship with Him. They were constantly questioning my movements audibly or silently and because of how discerning and sensitive I am, I knew… beyond knowing, I could feel it.

The result was I lost trust in myself and in my rightful place as a child of God which meant I could always hear His voice, when He spoke to me and someone or people countered it, I discarded His Word, sometimes consciously, other times, unconsciously and when I carried out the Word, I did it with fear and doubt.

I was always going back and forth on a cycle of doubt, it made me afraid to even seek God and follow His voice for myself because I couldn’t trust myself. I couldn’t trust that I have His wisdom and counsel. It was mostly what people said. The event that broke the camel’s back was when I had a fall out with some friends of mine and after a conversation with one of them, I felt so confused and demeaned, I bawled my eyes out for a while. I was angry at God, I doubted myself and so on. I told God that it looked like He was constantly whispering my flaws and faults to people, because how would this person say this, and You haven’t said it at all to me.

You see I trusted what people said that God said about me or what they felt about me than I trusted myself and what God said to me. So, I mostly felt vulnerable and condemned, even though most of the perceptions were wrong, I couldn’t defend myself and not because I didn’t want to but because I was crippled in doubt of myself.

Three things happened:

One, the Holy Spirit showed me He wasn’t in the business of whispering lies and even my private truths to people and if He has to, He would with someone responsible and trustworthy who would handle it with care. He wasn’t also in the business of revealing a one-sided part of my life, He wouldn’t reveal my weakness to people who haven’t loved and honored my strength and sacrifices.

Also, any information coming from Him would be ministered in love and bring peace, there would be a witness in my spirit and confirmation from Him. If none of this existed, discard. God would never send people to speak to you in a demeaning and dishonorable way and this isn’t judged just by tone or words but by spirit. I have learned that communication is more spiritual than we think it is, a person might be talking gently but you feel it, you feel hurt, off, demeaned, unwanted… tell them.

You know it, you can feel it. If it constantly repeats, please run because your destiny is at stake. God is spirit and so are we, He knows our weakness, He doesn’t speak to us in a way that wounds us, so when you feel wounded and not enough with a person or persons. It’s not you. Stop it. Its them (consciously or unconsciously). Run.

Think about Saul of Tarsus, despite his plenty sins & murder, Jesus didn’t go whispering his issues to the saints, telling them how bad he is. In fact, the first time He spoke to a saint about it, He did in a good light- He spoke prophecy, He showed Ananias another side of Saul’s story, like dude, you know Saul, but let me tell you about Paul, now, go and pray for him that he may see!

(Acts 9).

Number 2:

My friend asked me, “Do you love yourself?”

I replied “I do, but I don’t trust myself”

He showed me how my actions to myself didn’t reflect love and honor to myself. How do you want to receive what you haven’t given to yourself? Tell me… how do you want to be trusted when you don’t trust you? How do you want to receive from anyone what you haven’t given to yourself?

When you start placing consistent honor and worth upon yourself, you begin to see that everyone and everything else was waiting to align to that new standard.

“A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22‬:‭39‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It starts with you.

Number 3:

My mum said, “If that’s the truth, God would tell you too!”

That hit me hard. Something that God has always been whispering but I have been ignoring.

God honors you.

He is not up about sending people into your business without giving you a witness or confirmation. How dare you believe what someone when God and His Word doesn’t confirm it? I have been dealing with guilt… And God asked me why last night, what have I done that made me feel guilty? I could pinpoint nothing. I brought up a few things, but I knew it wasn’t it. The enemy is a master planner at sowing tares in our wheat garden. Imagine looking at that garden and calling it a tare garden? 

When you receive information that doesn’t resonate; keep it at a distance, get the Word, invite the Holy Spirit and ask them to show you if it is true and what they think about it. If you don’t get any confirmation, discard it. Now, I might not even bother, if the Lord doesn’t stir my heard towards it or drop a witness- in the mud.

I have learned: God is able to Lead & Convict me as long as I seek Him every day, read my Bible, pray and obey. He will lead me. So why stress myself in guilt, shame, confusion etc. over a person’s opinion? Even in my flaws, this is hard but right now, I am learning: I have to show myself mercy so that I can receive mercy.

You ask God to show you mercy, but you are brutal to yourself, how does that even work?

“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” –‭‭ Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

You know you are a child of God by the virtue of accepting Jesus not just because someone said it or that the Bible wrote it, but because deep within there is a witness of the Spirit that you are God’s Child. That same witness applies everywhere too. God speaks to us primarily through His Word and the witness of His Holy Spirit.

Our anchor scripture is John 14:27 at the top of this writing, just below the photo. The peace of God is a thing. God speaks peace. He leads you in peace and to peace by His Word. Where there is no peace, don’t follow.  His Word, His Spirit and His Peace are our Leaders.  Remember this when you want to doubt yourself again.

You can read previous chapters by tapping FREEDOM 25 in the categories below and see you on Tuesday for Chapter 9 on: ‘Freedom to have boundaries.’
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69 thoughts on “Freedom to trust Yourself”

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