curbing our selfish responses to those in waiting…

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The subject of waiting is one that should be treated with utmost respect, honor and care. Without further ado, let’s get right into it:

I see countless people giving advice to single women—telling them how they should wait, what they should do, or addressing them of being too desperate. Often, these words are spoken without true understanding. And when I say understanding, I mean the kind that comes from a revelation by the Spirit of God or from having walked a similar path.

There are some who have waited but without experiencing the depth of it—those intense feelings of chronic anxiety, frustration, anger, and pain. If you haven’t felt that, you may not fully understand. Unless you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, it’s best to only speak when you have a clear word from the Lord. Your opinions might be valid, but they could also lack wisdom.

It pricks me to see so many people freely offering opinions, especially to single women. If you truly spend time in prayer, seeking the heart of God, you would understand what it means to be in their position. I’m not simply siding with single women here; I’m highlighting how these issues are often addressed—with many well-meaning opinions but without true compassion and wisdom.

I’m part of an international Bible Study Community, which has been one of my greatest blessings in 2024. Few months ago, a lady shared that she was feeling deeply depressed about being single and couldn’t cope anymore. While 2 people responded with kind and thoughtful answers, and bless their hearts for trying, I knew their words wouldn’t truly reach her. Why? Because while I may not have experienced that level of desperation, I’ve had a taste of it, and I understand what it feels like to be in an even deeper place, so after considering the complexities of the situation, I prayed for her.

Some situations require more than just spiritual advice; they need a mix of mental and 
emotional sensitivity, along with the heart of Christ, to provide a truly compassionate and proper response.

I remember being in another meeting where a woman shared her struggle with a toxic situationship. As people began offering advice, one of my God-Mums spoke up. I can’t recall her exact words, but she taught us not to overwhelm the person with advice. She pointed out that the woman already knew what she needed to do but was dealing with so much that making the right decision felt impossible. She added that she, herself, had no right to speak too much on the matter since she hadn’t been tested in that area, having married at 23.

However, she did say that the sooner the woman left that relationship, the better. That’s wisdom—a blend of humility and respect for someone’s pain. Even when you have the answer, you don’t speak down to the person as if they willingly chose to be mistreated or abused.

It’s also important to know that similar situations don’t always mean the same kind of waiting. A dear friend of mine told me a profound truth few months ago, “No one can fully understand what a person feels, even if they’ve been through or are going through the same things. Only Jesus can.”

Let me give you an example: two 27-year-old women, Elsie and Bina, have been searching for a job, diligently applying for five months with no success. Elsie might be experiencing this struggle for the first time, feeling confused and overwhelmed. Meanwhile, Bina may have had a history of toxic work environments and been told at her last job that she’d never succeed. Though they share the same situation, their experiences of waiting are completely different.

This is just one scenario; now, add in their individual differences, family backgrounds, childhoods, and past experiences. You’ll see that while Elsie and Bina are in the same situation, they don’t have the same wisdom or understanding. It would be unfair for Elsie to assume Bina is overreacting if she quits the job search and falls into depression. Likewise, Bina wouldn’t necessarily understand Elsie’s decision if she chooses to return to her old job or take up a small trade.

Though they’re waiting for the same thing, they’re waiting differently, and so their responses would naturally vary.

This is something we need to grasp: similar situations don’t equate to true understanding. It’s essential to ask Abba for humility, wisdom, and insight in these matters.

A lot of people are carrying unspoken trauma, anger, pain, and unanswered questions. Waiting is never easy; whether it’s for a spouse, a child, a job, healing, business or ministry growth, finances, or anything else. It is one of the most challenging parts of our human experience, largely because of the uncertainty—it’s the not knowing when that makes it so hard.

For some Christians, all they have are God’s words and promises; some have a glimmer of hope, while others feel like they have nothing. It can feel like being trapped in a dark cloud, where each day serves as a reminder of what you lack and might never have. You begin to question yourself: What am I doing wrong? Is my past coming back to haunt me? Did I make a mistake? Am I not attractive enough? Is it my attitude? You may even look inward and find that you’re doing everything right, yet still, nothing seems to change.

This is why, as wonderful as our blessings are, we must be mindful not to flaunt them in a way that highlights others’ lack. Often, it’s those who already have the blessing that unintentionally push those in waiting into a state of negative desperation.

I once read about someone who was compelled to care for her sister-in-law during her pregnancy while struggling with infertility herself. Her sister-in-law constantly complained about the pregnancy, as if she didn’t want it. The woman’s spouse thought that being around his sister would encourage her, but it had the opposite effect. There are countless similar stories like this.

We’re quick to label people as envious, but when was the last time you paused to seek God’s heart for the one who envies? When did you last offer a listening ear, a praying heart, and a commitment to stand by them until their miracle comes? It’s safe to say that sometimes, we are more selfish than the person we accuse of envy. Pain comes in many forms, and it often gives birth to negativity—manifesting as depression, suicide, grief, envy, self-harm, sabotage, or even turning away from the true faith.

I could go on, but this blog is a call to every member of Christ’s body: return to the foundation of love, selflessness, and compassion, following the footsteps of Jesus. Our Savior didn’t live for Himself; He lived, and still lives, for those He loves—Abba and us. We are called to live for Him, and that means living for others.

Be a priest. Be an intercessor. Let God find your heart worthy so He can heal the nations through you. Your life is not your own—it is His.

'Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. 
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 
You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. '
  ~ Philippians 2:3-5 NLT

‘Fruit trees of all kinds will grow along both sides of the river. The leaves of these trees will never turn brown and fall, and there will always be fruit on their branches. There will be a new crop every month, for they are watered by the river flowing from the Temple. The fruit will be for food and the leaves for healing.”

~ Ezekiel 47:12, NLT Bible.
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28 thoughts on “curbing our selfish responses to those in waiting…”

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